How one burrito made me a dick

I crossed a line today. This place made me do it. There’s no looking back now. I’m officially a dick. I ordered a veggie burrito from Camacho’s and when I started eating it, it seemed a bit light. I opened it up and there were no beans inside. I walked back to the counter with the opened burrito and said, “Excuse me, you seem to have forgotten the beans on this burrito.”

“Oh, no sir,” the guy behind the counter said, “We don’t serve beans on our vegetarian burrito.”

“Excuse me?” I said.

“Our veggie burrito doesn’t come with beans.”

“Then it’s not a burrito. A burrito is a dish consisting of rice, beans, and this thing,” I said, pointing at the tortilla, “Could you please just add some beans to make it into a burrito?”

“I’m sorry but we charge a dollar extra for the beans.”

“How does it not say anywhere up there that the vegetarian burrito has no beans?”

He said, “Yeah, we have a lot of people complain about this.”

“Of course you do. If ordered a chicken sandwich and got two pieces of bread with no chicken between them, that’s not a chicken sandwich. I don’t care how good the bread is, or how many pieces of tomato and lettuce are stacked on it. You see, without the chicken, it’s not a chicken sandwich. Without the beans, it’s not a burrito.”

I was getting a bit worked up, convinced that the employee agreed with me. His friend behind the counter was smirking, and the six others waiting to order seemed to be enjoying the show.

“That’s not our policy here. If you want, I can ask the manager.”

“I just want you to turn this into a burrito.”

He went to the back and returned five seconds later. “Yeah, the manager said I can’t add any beans without the additional charge. I don’t have any control. I’m just the middle man.”

“Could you get the manager out here?” I asked.


He walked to the back and the manager came out.

“How can I help you?” the manager asked.

“Hi, I didn’t get beans on my vegetarian burrito.”


“And so it’s not a burrito.”

“Sir - Our vegetarian burritos don’t come with beans.”

“You don’t get to redefine what a burrito is. If I were to order a chicken sandwich and it just came with two pieces of bread and no chicken, the definition of a chicken sandwich does not change, regardless of what the manager says.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“I’d like beans.”

“Sir, if I were to give you beans, I’d have to give her beans and then everyone would expect beans, and that’s just not fair.”

“Yes. Everybody should have beans. These are burritos. That’s exactly my point. Could you just please put some beans on this?”

I lifted my tray so he could add beans and get rid of me.

“I’m sorry sir. I can’t do that,” he said.

“You can. Just scoop the beans. This is really easy.”

He wasn’t taking the tray.

“Can I just get my money back?”

“That’s fine. If you still have your receipt, you’ll have to wait in line.”

The lady at the front of the line said, “Just go ahead.”

I got my $9.34 back. I shudder to think how many people just eat it.